Coffee Date
by ThanksIllPass
Summary: Wade really doesn't like Peter and Johnny's friendship


Wade usually didn't follow Peter when he was meeting other superheroes. Except when said superhero was female. Or Captain America. Or Iron Man. Or Thor. Or… Human Torch. Yeah, Wade never let Peter meet Johnny alone. But it wasn't like with the others.

For one, he wasn't tagging along and fanboying all over the place, he was… stalking. Lurking. Sitting a few tables over and glaring. See, surprisingly enough for Peter, Wade didn't find Johnny either attractive or cool. Objectively speaking, Johnny was both of those things. But Wade didn't share Peter's opinion.

He "didn't trust Johnny." That was his way of saying he didn't trust Peter around Johnny. Because Peter liked him "too much." At first it simply amused him. Then, it started to be annoying. Cue a few minor arguments. And finally Peter had enough.

"Do you want to come with me?" he asked, when Wade was sulkily pretending he wasn't going to follow Peter a few minutes after he left.

"You mean with you as in…"

"With me. To hang out with Johnny. Drink some overpriced coffee he will pay for and listen to him talk about his latest girlfriend. You know how it looks like, you're there every damn time. So I'm asking if you want to come with."

Wade was silent for a few moments, nodding to himself. Great, boxes meddling again. Wade finally looked at him and narrowed his eyes.

"Why," he asked in a deadpan tone.

Peter groaned and grabbed his jacket. "You're gonna be there anyway, Wade… Johnny's been asking what's up with you sitting there and killing him with your eyes. He wants to meet you. I want you to meet him. I need you to see he's not a threat, okay? Just come with me. Get to know him. You'll like him, I promise."

Wade hummed. "Alright. But I have a condition."

Peter snorted into his coffee when Johnny finished telling the story about the girl he was seeing for a while who liked to dress a firefighter in the bedroom. Wade wasn't laughing. Peter rolled his eyes at him. Johnny has been nothing but _nice_ to him. He tried asking questions, he didn't stare too much, neither at the scars, nor-

"Uh, dude? Wade? It's not Peter's leg, it's mine."

Peter was torn between laughing and slamming his head against the table. "Oh, he knows. See, he's convinced you're 'up all night to get spider-booty'."

"What?!" Johnny spluttered, almost choking on his coffee. "Are you serious? That's why you've been lurking around all the time?"

Wade only grumbled, crossing his arms on his chest. Peter rested his chin on his hand and looked at Wade with a teasing smile.

"You don't have to worry, man, I'm as straight as they come," Johnny said, looking at Wade.

"He knows that too. I don't know if you noticed the dress? That's his brilliant idea of gently easing you into the idea of crossing over to the rainbow kingdom and proving to both of us that you will eventually try to steal me away."

Johnny just stared at Peter, unable to say anything. Peter shrugged and chugged down his coffee. Wade was unimpressed. He hasn't spoken a word since they sat down; it must have taken all his willpower. Peter didn't even feel sorry for him. He patiently waited for Johnny to recover and busied himself with nudging his boyfriend's leg with his foot absentmindedly. Even that didn't get a reaction out of him.

"Look, it's a very nice outfit and all, especially the hat," Johnny finally said cautiously "but you're still very much a dude, dude. A dude in a really pretty dress, but a dude. Do you see where I'm going with this? Peter, help me out here."

"Sorry, man, I got nothing. I tried everything. He just doesn't listen. He gets more unreasonable than usual when he's jealous."

"But why is he jealous? Did you say anything to him? Did you tell him about that one time I got wasted and told you your hair smelled nice?"

"You said what to who?"

Both Peter and Johnny looked up at Wade. Those were the first words that came out of his mouth. Peter sighed and lied his head down on the table.

From: Johnny Storm

Does that mean our dates are over :'(

From: Peter Parker

Nah, don't worry about it. He'll just get back to stalking. ;)

From: Johnny Storm

If I get married will he believe I'm not "up all night to get the spider-booty"

From: Peter Parker

Probably not. He thinks no one is immune to my charm for some unfathomable reason…

From: Johnny Storm

He must be crazy about you, huh

From: Peter Parker

I guess he is, yeah. See you next week.

From: Johnny Storm

Maybe I should buy him earrings to apologize for complimenting your shampoo choices while drunk. To match his hat.

From: Peter Parker

It's unnecessary. I have burned the hat. Good night.

From: Johnny Storm

:D 


End file.
